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Rader was so out of it she recalls little of the experience and could barely remember the photographer or even the name of the group.

But in time, she grew to be tremendously thankful for the memories.

“The nurse said Berlyn would look beautiful,” recalls Tillman, “and just like she was asleep.” Tillman eventually agreed to a portraiture session, but it was painful for her to witness.

Tillman’s sister-in-law had the presence of mind to call NILMDTS and have a photographer meet them at the hospital.

As Sharon Nord, a perinatal nurse and the New York City area coordinator for the organization, explains, the moments surrounding an infant’s passing are typically hazy and disorienting for family members, and of course they will never have the lifetime of pictures people can rely on when an older person passes away.

“The families we assist will never have those pictures,” says Nord.

“It was everything I dreamed of,” says Tillman, a 34-year-old child therapist from California. We got so involved; we wanted to do a natural childbirth, so I had a doula and we had a childbirth educator and tons of support.” A few days after Berlyn’s original due date, Tillman went into labor and called her doula to her home, where she was ready with candlelight and music.

“It was all very pretty,” she says, gently recalling the scene.

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* * * Several years ago, when Stacy Rader found out her son Caelan was not going to survive after taking a turn for the worse in the NICU, she immediately dismissed the idea of having him photographed.

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